she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
