She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
