My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize