I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
