My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.