No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
