I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
