My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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