Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
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MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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