these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
