dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
