If i come over, it means nothing
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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