four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
