so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
