my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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