I have demons in me.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
