i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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