I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
