Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
