I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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