I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
