I met the friendliest cop last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
