Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
