One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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