Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
well you can't waste a boner
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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