You really coming over, don't trick.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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