he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
