Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I want to fling myself into the sun
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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