Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
