I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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