True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
