true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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