My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
