He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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