im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
