You really coming over, don't trick.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
