I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize