U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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