We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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