What a fucking waste of an outfit
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
