thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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