There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
