Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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