I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
