Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
