he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That accounts for only three of the penises
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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