You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
