How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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