How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
