Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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