Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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