chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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