i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
