ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
