who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He kissed a someone with a penis
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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