and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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