I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
