so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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