i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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