I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
