I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
