Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
