That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
