I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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