how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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