quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
