i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I currently don't understand fingers.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
