You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
