woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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