thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
