And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
wanna go halves on a baby?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
