i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
