Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
