he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
