i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
